M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize