i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
