called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
