i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
