You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
