just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
