I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
