I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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