Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
