I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I look better un-naked...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
