A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize