I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize