I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
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