margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
