they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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