the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
