i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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