Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
