It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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