I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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