Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
