i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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