Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
