i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
