Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
