You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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