theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
In other news, I just burned my penis
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize