Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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