david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
