Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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