Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
