My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize