how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
