I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
