I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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