Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
