I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
