I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
