I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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