somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
