New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
