guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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