swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize