just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
where are my eyebrows?
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