im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My bed smells like the plague
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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