if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
