Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
