All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
