Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
