you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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