Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
