And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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