i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
