So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
