hotel room ftw
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
