I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
