Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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