Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
