STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
