he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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