Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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