doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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