ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
