I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
