Buhtt sex?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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