yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
